When you invite guests to a gathering, whether a dinner party, birthday celebration, or any other event, it’s crucial to mind your manners. While it’s generally acceptable to ask guests to contribute something simple to the festivities—like a bottle of wine or a dish to share—some requests can be rude. Etiquette experts weigh the 15 items you should never ask guests to bring to your event.
Money for the Event
Why It’s Rude:
Asking guests to contribute financially to your gathering is considered inappropriate. When you invite someone to an event, they are your guest, and it’s your responsibility to cover the costs.
Your Own Chairs
Why It’s Rude:
If you need more seating for everyone, either rent some or limit your guest list. Making people bring their own chairs is a logistical inconvenience and simply not polite.
Main Course Items
Why It’s Rude:
Asking guests to bring a main course shifts a significant responsibility onto them. It also implies that you want to avoid going to the trouble of providing the central part of the meal.
Gifts that are Too Personal or Expensive
Why It’s Rude:
Requesting specific gifts that are highly personal or expensive can make guests uncomfortable, as it imposes both a financial and emotional burden on them.
Your Own Tableware
Why It’s Rude:
Asking people to bring their own plates, cups, or utensils shifts the burden of preparation and cleanup onto your guests, making them feel less like honored attendees and more like catering staff.
Cleaning Supplies
Why It’s Rude:
If you invite people over, it’s your job to clean up before and after. Refrain from guests to bring their cleaning supplies to maintain your space.
Ingredients for a Dish You’ll Prepare
Why It’s Rude:
Asking your guests to bring ingredients for a dish you plan on making yourself puts them to work, shopping for your gathering. This turns them into participants rather than guests.
Alcohol—With a Minimum Price Tag
Why It’s Rude:
While asking guests to bring a bottle of something to share is generally acceptable, dictating a minimum spending amount can make them uncomfortable.
Firewood for an Outdoor Party
Why It’s Rude:
The host is responsible for providing basic amenities like heat for an outdoor event. Asking guests to bring firewood implies a lack of preparation.
An Item for the Host’s Personal Use
Why It’s Rude:
Requesting an item for yourself rather than something that will be shared among guests, like a bottle of a specific perfume, crosses a line.
A Dish that Requires Last-Minute Preparation
Why It’s Rude:
This kind of request can be a significant inconvenience. Guests may have to balance preparing the dish with getting ready and arriving on time.
Pet Food for the Host’s Pet
Why It’s Rude:
Your pets are your responsibility. It’s inappropriate to expect guests to feed them.
Gifts for a Party That Isn’t a Gift-Giving Occasion
Why It’s Rude:
For non-gift-giving occasions like dinner parties, asking for gifts can make your guests feel obligated and uncomfortable.
Anything that Involves More Than Minimal Effort
Why It’s Rude:
You should aim to make attending your event as easy as possible for your guests. Asking them to do something elaborate detracts from their ability to enjoy the gathering.
Anything You Wouldn’t Be Willing to Bring Yourself
Why It’s Rude:
As a basic rule of thumb, never ask your guests to bring anything that you wouldn’t be willing to bring if the roles were reversed.
Being a gracious host involves making your guests feel welcome and valued. While it may be tempting to distribute responsibilities, it’s crucial to remember the boundaries of good etiquette. Avoid asking for these 15 items, and your guests will likely feel more at ease and enjoy themselves at your event.
